For a man, life falls into two stages. And you can’t really pass comfortably into the second stage until you come to grips with three things:

1) The hair is not growing back. 2) You can toss those 32″ jeans you’ve got stashed in the back of the closet, just in case. And 3) the college girls are not going to turn around and check out your butt when you walk by, ever again.

Doesn’t apply to me, of course. You might say I’m grandfathered in.