Archive for category Out and About

External obsolescence…

Feb 5

Posted by James Coon in Neighborhood News | No Comments

I don’t know why that beautiful old period-piece of a house isn’t selling. Upgraded, big kitchen, nice old tree out front. Anderson windows and doors all around.

Maybe they could convince the guy next door to park his service van behind the gate, or at least a little closer to his side of the contiguous driveway. Having a big van that says “Wally’s Mold Remediation” and “We Come to You!” parked next to the house you’re selling is not exactly going to help you up your score on the “Drive By” test. Especially when there’s a 50,000x blow-up of a mold spore on the back doors.

Maybe some Sharks tickets. Something close up.

Money clipped…

Feb 2

Posted by James Coon in Out and About | 3 Comments

I lost thirty bucks today. Not gambling. Not investing in some fly-by-night limited partnership. Not even as a down payment on a set of “Get Rich Quick” real estate investment DVD’s offered on a late-night infomercial.

No. Just lost it. Somewhere between asking for that much “cash back” at the drug store, and returning home without it. Wasn’t in the pocket; wasn’t in the money clip; wasn’t in any of the usual places where I put things and forget them and Kathy discovers them later. Just gone.

It’s maddening. I know my left hand was struggling mightily with a huge new dog bed (for foster lab Rufus), along with my daily gallon of milk—while my right grasped my cane. Yet the security camera clearly shows me being handed the money. I don’t remember that part; don’t remember putting down the cane, which I would need to do. But I believe the manager when I call her and she tells me that it is so.

I’ll keep looking. Meanwhile, I’m just glad the security camera didn’t catch me boosting that second gallon of milk I’ll need for tomorrow.

Halfway to the stars…

Jan 29

Posted by James Coon in Out and About | No Comments

I was up in San Francisco not so long ago and stayed in a once-elegant, now seedy side-street hotel. It’s all I can afford. My room needed dusting.

As I was shifting things from my suitcase into the old painted dresser, I wrenched open the bottom drawer and what should I find?—way in the back? …The always expected Gideon Bible, you say? Nope. Nothing less than…

Tony Bennett’s heart.

Get retired, will you?…

Jan 27

Posted by James Coon in Highways and Byways | No Comments

Guy in an old Toyota blew by me like a rifle shot on 85 this morning. His right front tire was a “donut” spare.

Must have a death wish. I wouldn’t trust one of those things for two miles to the tire repair shop on level ground at School Zone speeds. Not even if they threw in second one for backup.

Clogged arteries…

Jan 19

Posted by James Coon in Highways and Byways | 3 Comments

We were out and about last Saturday, and it seemed as if there were more people on the road than off it. We only had to go 20 miles, but it felt like 200.

After a couple of hours for a leisurely dinner and what-not, we started for home—and would you believe it? The freeway was still packed; the surface streets more clogged than before.

You’d think after two hours all those people would have finally made it home.

It’s the Real Thing…

Jan 12

Posted by James Coon in Highways and Byways | No Comments

The coldest soda I ever had was from an ancient, rusty, sand-blown machine somewhere in the middle of the Mohave Desert, at the intersection of Nothin’ and Nowhere. The gas station there only sold gas. People didn’t want any salty chips, and any candy bars they stocked would only melt into slag. The Coke machine was it.

So here my tires are melting into the sticky blacktop, anything fifty feet away swims in the hot air, the Yukon’s air-conditioning on max brings things down to maybe 90—yet the Coke I’m drinking is so cold it puts an edge on your teeth. Go figure.

I bought a second one and gave it to the first person I saw down the road.

Taking sides…

Jan 9

Posted by James Coon in Around Town | No Comments

Along with Kathy’s fajitas came various sides and condiments she might want to add to the tortilla wrap. She asked if I wanted the sour cream—she doesn’t like it. I said yes, and she slid the small cup across.

Suddenly the waiter appeared and snatched it up like a falcon on a ground squirrel; then put it back next to Kathy’s plate. I reached for it slowly. He reached for it slowly. Then he smiled, said something in Spanish and pointed at a sign by the door.

No substitutions
No split checks
No sharing sour cream

Kathy said I couldn’t leave our tip after dipping it in the cup.

Exit strategy…

Jan 6

Posted by James Coon in Highways and Byways | No Comments

When I come up on an exit and it says 35mph, I don’t sweat it much. 40, maybe 45…we’ll see.

But when I come up on one that says 15mph, I pay attention. Who knows? They may have put that up after a couple of people went 20.

Canteen cuisine…

Jan 3

Posted by James Coon in Around Town | No Comments

The food in the restaurant was terrible, but you could see by the sign they were good-humored about it: “Occupancy by More Than 78 Persons is Unsafe, Unlawful and Highly Unlikely”.

Sign of the times…

Jan 3

Posted by James Coon in Highways and Byways | 1 Comment

Driving up 101 a couple of months ago, I saw a billboard, “Your Credit Won’t Fix Itself. Pay Your Bills On Time”.

The sign was gone this week. Maybe they didn’t pay their bill on time.