Archive for category Bigger Issues

Revenue subject to change…

I’ve always thought it unconstitutional that they can tax me when I earn money (Income Tax), and then tax me again when I spend it (Sales Tax). I’ve paid my tax on that money, and I should damn well be able to spend it however I like without anybody sticking their fat hand in to grab some more.

Why, before you know it, they’ll be taxing me on what I’ve just got sitting around. In my pocket, say. Or the coin bank on the porter chest I’ve been meaning to put more coins in. Require me to take inventory of the pantry. Check the junk drawer. We’d have to file quarterly, no question—with the threat of Federal prison as the usual incentive.

Of course the IRS couldn’t take care of all this. Naw, they’ve got lots to screw up already. We’d need a whole new agency. Bring in the consultants. Studies. Commissions and Commissioners. Then we’d need a whole new top-level branch to supervise those two branches. Maybe Cabinet level.

I figure we could pay for some of this with what’s stashed behind my seat cushions. The rest, we’d borrow.

Maybe next year…

Rather than trouble myself with a lot of laudable and grandiose New Year’s resolutions I hope everyone forgot, I thought I might check in on the resolutions and wishes of friends and family:

Cousin Earl resolves to drink more, and start smoking. His insurance is beyond what he can pay as it is. What’s the difference if it’s more beyond?

Janet is going to start applying for more jobs she’s not qualified for, instead of just jobs she is qualified for. That way she won’t feel so bad when they don’t call her.

Environmentalist Bob hopes that people will start recycling their Coke and beer cans more. Sober alcoholic George hopes people will drink less beer. Diabetic Tom hopes people will drink less Coke.

Trish wishes Republicans would recognize the distinction between those who truly need a hand up, and those who do not. Then move toward a bipartisan solution that incorporates both compassion and responsibility—offering a fair and practical way to address the needs of the former, while discouraging the greed of the latter.

She wishes Democrats would do the same thing.

Plus free checking…

I went into my bank and told them I wanted to open up a joint account—preferably with somebody who’s got a lot of dough.

Boy, talk about no sense of humor.

FICO facts…

I keep seeing ads about how to beef up my credit score. I know how to beef it up: add more beef.

Plummeting into single digits…

Unemployment figures are out again, but I don’t read them. It doesn’t matter what the unemployment rate is. If you’re unemployed, it’s 100%.

Partisan profiles…

Stopping by a friend’s house, I noticed she still had lots of Christmas goodies around, which I was kind enough to mention were probably going stale. She said, “Why don’t you help yourself.”.

Wait a minute…isn’t that what Republicans always say? Maybe she’s a Republican.

I mean, she didn’t say, “Here, let me help you with that.”.

Then she’d be a Democrat.

Money talks?…

A lot of people wanted Meg Whitman to be elected Governor of California—not the least of whom was Whitman herself. She spent $142 million in that pursuit.

I guess you can’t just go to eBay and click on “Buy It Now!”.

Let’s hope they peel off…

So they sent me my absentee ballot, and it came with this colorful little sticker that says I VOTED. But since I dawdled past the mail-it date—as I always do—I had to take it in to the polling place on Election Day. Here, they gave me another sticker.

I’m wearing both.

When people ask me why, I tell them I voted twice.

It’s all in the marketing…

Guy called today urging me to vote YES on the “Save The Orphan Babies And Insure World Peace Measure”. So I rooted around in the pile for their glossy mailer card, and turned it over. Turns out it’s about a garbage company surcharge.

How to influence my vote…

They phoned today with another independent poll. First question: “How would you be inclined to vote if you knew the incumbent candidate had once lived next door to a tax cheat?” I’ve gotta give these guys credit. They never stop trying.