Archive for category Politics as a Contact Sport

Maybe next year…

Rather than trouble myself with a lot of laudable and grandiose New Year’s resolutions I hope everyone forgot, I thought I might check in on the resolutions and wishes of friends and family:

Cousin Earl resolves to drink more, and start smoking. His insurance is beyond what he can pay as it is. What’s the difference if it’s more beyond?

Janet is going to start applying for more jobs she’s not qualified for, instead of just jobs she is qualified for. That way she won’t feel so bad when they don’t call her.

Environmentalist Bob hopes that people will start recycling their Coke and beer cans more. Sober alcoholic George hopes people will drink less beer. Diabetic Tom hopes people will drink less Coke.

Trish wishes Republicans would recognize the distinction between those who truly need a hand up, and those who do not. Then move toward a bipartisan solution that incorporates both compassion and responsibility—offering a fair and practical way to address the needs of the former, while discouraging the greed of the latter.

She wishes Democrats would do the same thing.

Partisan profiles…

Stopping by a friend’s house, I noticed she still had lots of Christmas goodies around, which I was kind enough to mention were probably going stale. She said, “Why don’t you help yourself.”.

Wait a minute…isn’t that what Republicans always say? Maybe she’s a Republican.

I mean, she didn’t say, “Here, let me help you with that.”.

Then she’d be a Democrat.

Money talks?…

A lot of people wanted Meg Whitman to be elected Governor of California—not the least of whom was Whitman herself. She spent $142 million in that pursuit.

I guess you can’t just go to eBay and click on “Buy It Now!”.

Let’s hope they peel off…

So they sent me my absentee ballot, and it came with this colorful little sticker that says I VOTED. But since I dawdled past the mail-it date—as I always do—I had to take it in to the polling place on Election Day. Here, they gave me another sticker.

I’m wearing both.

When people ask me why, I tell them I voted twice.

It’s all in the marketing…

Guy called today urging me to vote YES on the “Save The Orphan Babies And Insure World Peace Measure”. So I rooted around in the pile for their glossy mailer card, and turned it over. Turns out it’s about a garbage company surcharge.

How to influence my vote…

They phoned today with another independent poll. First question: “How would you be inclined to vote if you knew the incumbent candidate had once lived next door to a tax cheat?” I’ve gotta give these guys credit. They never stop trying.